Standing Still

A friend of mine is going though an unfortunate situation: she wants to move out of her parent’s house to be closer to the college she is attending, but they want her to stay. No reasons given, so far as I have heard. Just a no. They must have their motives, but I’m not sure that there are any reasons. There appears to be nothing well thought out that produced this edict. From what I can gather, this seems a simple misunderstanding of the situation and of her needs and feelings.

But I can do nothing other than listen. Yes, the classic line that that is exactly what I should do and that that is what she needs the most. Nonsense. It would help immensely if I could only talk directly to her parents and help explain how she feels and what she needs. But that isn’t on option. Why? Because the prevailing standards of social conduct say that it is not “my place” to get involved. This rule says that anything I might say or do is irrelevant, even if what I might say is correct and helpful.

Of course I could break this “rule” and try it anyway. But the chance of success, as I estimate it, is very, very low – the chance of making things a hell of a lot worse, very, very high. In the balance, it is not worth the risk to her wellbeing. Also, I’m relatively sure that she will be able to work it out, eventually, one way or another.

Am I being overly dramatic? Perhaps some would think so. But this is only an example and there are larger and more difficult to solve problems people have that contain the same structure. I think I know how to help, but I can not do so because of customs and mores that people hold and support that trump my best efforts.